Reason to Believe
by Moonsong
Summary: UPDATED: Chapter 5 UP. After Aya's death, Youji finds Ran bleeding to death in the basement. Can he give the redhead something to live for again?
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**

Ran sat cross-legged on the mossy ground, eyes staring blankly at the city beyond. Yuushi had shown him this place once- right after he'd joined Crashers. Ayachan had just gotten moved to a new hospital and they had refused to divulge the location until he had been fully integrated into the team. Upon hearing that, he'd started ranting and raving and making a general nuisance of himself at the house. Only Knight had gotten pissed enough to call him out and had brought him here to vent in peace. Ran remembered that day as clearly as if it had been just yesterday. It had been raining, a fact he pointed out as soon as Yuushi had ordered him out of the car, but the older man was insistent.

Strangely enough, he did feel better once he was out in the open. Icy droplets pelted his hair, face, hands, anything not covered by his heavy trench, but he welcomed the torrent as water seeped into his clothes, cooling his overheated body and soothing his frayed temper. He had never thanked Yuushi for showing him this place but he had a feeling the blond knew anyway. They had never been good with words.

Ran returned several times, mostly when he felt the world was getting away from him. The lush hillside provided him the solitude he desired, and an outlet for his rage if he needed it. To his right was a stout tree, one that had seen him through several sparring sessions and no few bleeding knuckles. There were a few other trees scattered about the general area, along with some dense brush and patches of grass. Directly in front of him was a magnificent view of Kyoto. A foot or so from the edge flourished a rather young sapling, Ran's apology for splitting its predecessor in half after misjudging a katana stroke. He had planted the young tree that same night. He had perched next to it countless times, just absorbing the clean air, ever mindful of the 50ft or so drop to the forest below. On most days, the film of fog that permanently hovered over them obscured the view, but when it was clear, he couldn't imagine anything more beautiful.

Sometimes he would bring his guitar here; it was the one passion he allowed himself and had managed to keep secret from everyone including his sister. It was an old acoustic he found rooting around the attic of the Koneko, still in good shape, and it seemed a shame to leave it. Remembering how Ayachan would seem so happy after she had played the piano, he decided to try learning an instrument as well. Music had always been a good outlet for him and he regretted not being able to create his own. He didn't dare play in his room- the others would overhear. So this became his refuge- a place away from Weiß, away from his sister, a place where he could just be _Ran_ and not have to worry about anything or anyone.

He'd been coming more and more often over the last year, trying to make peace with himself, work out the guilt that had become a part of his system ever since he had started killing for money. But after the events surrounding Ayachan's death, the others had refused to leave him alone. Their constant presence had near driven him mad. Now that he was here, that he had been able to escape, he stared down the edge of the cliff and wondered how long the solitude would last. And if, despite all of Youji's assertions to the contrary, he had a reason to keep on living. Without love, without purpose, without dreams, what else did he have?  
==========

**REASON TO BELIEVE**  
By Moonsong  
tsukinouta@yahoo.com

  
"He's gone!"

Youji blinked, hoping he'd somehow heard wrong. "Gone?" he repeated stupidly, as if he'd never heard the word before.

Ken paced the room like a caged tiger, all but wringing his sleeves off. "Omi was supposed to stay with him until 5 but a friend called him needing a ride home. Ran told him to go ahead and that he'd just stay here. He was gone by the time I got home."

"Okay, okay. Calm down. Where's Omi?"

He looked up at the blonde sourly. "Stuck in traffic."

Youji closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. They were supposed to be keeping an eye on Ran since... the accident. Ayachan had been his sole reason for living and her death had devastated him- especially after he had fought so long, basically sold his body and soul, to keep her alive. A week after Ayachan's funeral, Youji came home and found him unconscious in the basement, the katana on the ground next to him. He could only assume that the redhead had braced the sword in between his legs and ran his wrists through simultaneously. It was the only way he could have sliced both forearms that deeply. If he had tried cutting himself one wrist at a time, the second one wouldn't have been so deep. It's pretty hard to keep a firm grip on a heavy sword when your life is bleeding out of you, much less use it to slice to the bone.

Youji shook his bangs out of his face and took a deep breath. "What time did Omi leave?"

"Around 4."

Youji checked his watch. "And it's a little after 6 now. He could be anywhere!" He shook his head agitatedly in frustration. Didn't Ran understand what he was DOING to them? They were family- or the closest to it that they could ever get. Grinding his teeth, Youji looked up and saw Ken's face. His eyes were reddish, probably from rubbing them so much, and his jaw was clenched. The blond bowed his head. He didn't even want to know what he looked like at the moment.

"All right, let's think about this," Youji said, taking deep breaths. "Any ideas on where he'd go?" _... if he weren't trying to kill himself..._ it was unspoken but he knew Ken was thinking the same thing.

"Not really."

Worrying was getting them nowhere. And Ran was out there in God knows what condition. That thought spurred Youji into action. He grabbed the jacket he'd tossed onto the couch and made sure his keys were still in the right pocket. "I'm gonna try to find him. You stay here."

Ken immediately jumped him. "Are you insane? I'm going with you!"

The older man shook his head. "What if he calls? Someone has to stay here."

If glares could kill, his eyes should have skewered the lanky blond right there. As it was, he grabbed the other man's designer jacket and shook him so hard, Youji thought his eyeballs were going to roll out.

"You. Will. Call. Me," Ken seethed, jabbing a finger into the playboy's chest with each word for emphasis. "Keep your cell phone on."

"Hai, hai," Youji nodded and stepped back as Ken released him. "I'll call you as soon as I find him."

Blinking rapidly, he mustered a shaky smile. "You'll find him, right? And bring him back okay?"

Youji bit his bottom lip and met the brunette's eyes. "For all we know, Ken, he'll come strolling in here the second I turn the corner. He'll be okay."

Wrapping his arms around himself, Ken nodded once and turned back towards the living room. Youji watched him for a moment, his heart twisting. "Damn it, Ran," he hissed into the empty air. "When are you gonna learn?" With a shake of his head, he slipped his sunglasses on and walked out to the waiting car.

* * *

TBC

Author Notes: Wasn't sure where I was going with this and even now, I'm still torn where this is going to end up. Comments and suggestions are especially welcome! ^_^

Disclaimer: This fic was written purely for entertainment and no profit is being made from it. Weiß Kreuz © Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß. No copyright infringement intended. Please email me at tsukinouta@yahoo.com if you'd like to post it anywhere. Thank you.

_Reason to Believe_: Prologue © Moonsong, 09/24/01. All Rights Reserved. 


	2. Part 1: Vertigo

**REASON TO BELIEVE**  
By Moonsong  
tsukinouta@yahoo.com

**PART 1**

  
Ran stared down until vertigo started creeping up on him. He wasn't normally affected by heights but his precarious perch contributed to the uneasy feeling in his stomach. Maybe it was that two-day old sandwich he'd found behind Youji's wine coolers. They were supposed to go out to dinner tonight, mainly because the fridge was empty and none of them had been able to do the shopping. Correction- they didn't trust him enough to either let him go or relax their watch enough to drive themselves. It was usually Omi who took over their food inventory but since it was finals week, they had been making do with takeout.

Poor Omi. He had enough trying to cope with school on top of everything else the rest of them had to deal with. And now this. Suicide watch. Well, Ran DIDN'T need them, dammit. He was perfectly able to take care of himself. It wasn't fair to Omi that the others made him give up part of his life to making sure Ran never felt alone. Hadn't Omi already suffered enough? Hadn't enough of his childhood been taken away?

Ken- Ken also had the chance for a fresh start. He had been offered a job coaching little league soccer. His goddamned DREAM handed to him on a platter. Aside from playing in the J-League anyway. The erasure of their identities when they joined Weiß made that impossible. Coaching was his secondary choice and he had given it up to spend more time "with the guys." To make sure poor, fragile Ran wouldn't try to off himself again was more like it.

And Youji. If he EVER got a hold of that infuriating talking clothes rack after this night, he'd really set him straight. It was Youji who had found him. Who had taken him to the hospital and, as reported by Ken a few weeks later, had spent every waking moment annoying the nurses the entire time Ran had been in the hospital. Huh. The playboy probably found the lure of so many girls in white skirts too tantalizing to ignore. Why would he have been there otherwise?

_// Because he cares about you. //_

No, he doesn't.

// What about those times when you were in your room crying and he sat at your door until you opened it? //

He couldn't sleep because of the noise.

// You weren't making any. //

He fell asleep sitting there.

// He called your name the second you stopped sobbing. //

I. Was. Not. Sobbing.

// He was concerned. He wanted to help. //

I don't NEED his help.

The voice fell quiet. Pulling his knees up to his chest, Ran folded his arms on top of his legs and rested his chin on his hands.

_So what if he cared? It's not like it helps anything. All that's going to happen is that someone will get hurt._

A cloud passed over the sun causing the brooding redhead to look up. A cold breeze blew over the clearing, kicking up the dust. Coughing, Ran pulled his jacket tighter around his body and returned his gaze to the city below. His eyes wandered towards the Koneko- he couldn't see the store from here but he knew where it was. Youji would probably be home by now. Ran wondered if he had discovered him missing yet. If both Ken and Omi had been gone, he might not even know.

A sudden anger swelled in him. Why did he care anyway?

Oh, that's right. He didn't care. Wouldn't care. They worked together. That was it. They were forced to stay together because they had nowhere else to go. Don't feel. Don't care. Don't love. He'd had enough heartache. He was sick of worrying. Sick of hurting.

As if drawn by some strange force, his eyes swept the drop below again, his gaze riveted on the rocks at the very base of the miniature cliff.

To never hurt again...  
----------

Ken paced. He hated waiting, hated being left behind. It had always been like this, even when they were still in Weiß. Either Aya or Youji or even Omi sometimes would be the first ones in. He'd be backup. Or on extraction duty if one of them got trapped and they needed him to fight. Other than that, he was always the one being told what to do. They could count on him- and while that made him feel good, it also sometimes made him feel like a doormat. In a team of kittens, he had to be the puppy. Under normal circumstances, he didn't really mind, but in times like these...

_Dammit, Youji_, he cursed silently. _I have just as much right to look for him as you do!_

Though he couldn't admit being particularly close to Ran, he did care about the brooding redhead in his own way. He certainly couldn't imagine life without him- without any of them for that matter. They were family in the only sense that mattered. Brothers through shared experience, not by blood. They had lived together, killed together, laughed (well, in Ran's case, cracked a smile) together. If push came to shove, the only people Ken knew he could count on were Omi, Youji, and Ran. He knew Omi felt the same way. And Youji, though he might have other designs on Ran, was a brother to rest of them.

It was no surprise to Ken when Youji turned his entire life around to care for Ran. Ken, himself had simply decided not to take a job. It wouldn't be his last offer, he knew, and at the moment, making sure Ran stayed on this side of the living was more of a priority, so the decision wasn't a big one. Youji had become almost an entirely different person. More reserved, quieter. Ran didn't seem to notice, wrapped up as he was with Ayachan while she was still alive, but Ken and Omi had. They had countless discussions regarding their friends when both were out doing whatever it was that they did.

It quickly became apparent that Youji was changing. They noticed it right after the fight with Shion. Gone were the days when Youji would stay out all hours and come home drugged, drunk, and smelling of sex. The cigarettes had been conspicuously absent for over six months. The flirting was still there but it occurred more in Ran's presence than not. In fact, if Ran were nowhere near the premises, Youji would seem to make up for his absence, falling into a stony silence and staring blankly at nothing. He would claim to be tired every time they asked him to go out- unless it was all of them with Ran- even though he did nothing but mope around the house all day long and work in the shop.

Concern was the least Ken felt for his former teammate. Worried barely scratched the surface. Youji wouldn't talk to anyone about it, let alone admit there was a problem. However, since he wasn't inclined to permanently remove himself from the world, Ken wouldn't push him. Ran, on the other hand, was a more immediate worry.

The phone rang shrilly, snapping Ken out of his thoughts. Hurrying to the kitchen, he grabbed the handset with such force the base tipped over onto the floor.

"Youji?" he gasped breathlessly, hoping to hear some news.

"It's Omi," came the reply. "Just calling to see if Ran had come back?"

Ken leaned against the wall, disappointment weighing his frame. "Iie. Youji went to look for him."

"I know where Ran might be. Is Youji on his cell?"

"Hai- wait, where is Ran?"

"There's this place around Mount Hiei- I followed him once. Let me call Youji. I'll be home in a few minutes."

He hung up before Ken could respond. Frustrated, the former assassin grabbed the fallen phone and slammed the handset into it. Bracing a hand on the wall, he took a few breaths, trying to calm down. At least they had a destination now. It was some hope. His feet took him back into the living room where he settled down to wait once more.  
----------

Omi dialed the number again, checking each digit to make sure it was right. "Come on, Youji," he muttered. "Answer..." The phone rang once... twice...

"Youji here- "

"Youji! I know where Ran might be! Head over to- "

"I'm having a great time without ya so leave a message! I'll get around to ya sometime!" *BEEEEEEP*

"DAMN!" Omi threw the phone down, frustrated.  
----------

Youji floored the gas, hands choking the wheel as he maneuvered through the last remnants of rush hour traffic. He didn't know where he was going, didn't know where TO go. All he knew was that Ran was out there, and somehow, he had to find him. He sped down the next street, narrowly missing a hot dog stand, an ice cream vendor, and old woman crossing the street with her miniature yap dog, both of whom started screeching at him as he swept past. He ignored them, eyes roving the surrounding area for even a glimpse of bright violet-red hair. If something had happened to Ran...

_No. Don't think that. Do NOT even GO there._

He was going too fast but he didn't care. Ran was always getting on his case about his driving. When he wasn't speeding, he was going too slow (usually because of a passing glimpse at a figure of the female persuasion), and Ran would scream at him yet again. Sometimes he wondered why the redhead would even let him drive when the two of them would go somewhere.

Ran... why couldn't the man just _let go_, dammit? All of them had faced their demons after they had left Kritiker. With Ayachan's help, Ran had even started acting like a human being and not a walking firesicle. Despite their continuous bickering, Youji actually began to enjoy the younger man's company. He didn't feel obligated to wear any masks around him. With Ran, he could just relax and be himself.

The light in front of him turned yellow. With a muttered curse, Youji floored the gas again. He was still more than 40 feet away but if he stopped now, he'd end up in the middle of the street anyway. Time seemed to slow. Youji became hyper aware of everything around him- the cool bite of the air conditioner, the smell of freon, the vibration of the steering wheel as he fought to keep the car straight, the sounds of traffic, the crack in the windshield partially obscuring his right side. His jaw ached and he realized he was clenching his teeth. The car was still accelerating. The light turned red.

* * *

TBC

Author Notes: Dragging much, yes I know. Apologies. Love it? Loathe it? Lukewarm? Let me know! ^_^

Disclaimer: This fic was written purely for entertainment and no profit is being made from it. Weiß Kreuz © Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß. No copyright infringement intended. Please email me at tsukinouta@yahoo.com if you'd like to post it anywhere. Thank you.

_Reason to Believe_: Part 1 © Moonsong, 01/18/02. All Rights Reserved. 


	3. Part 2: To Forget

**REASON TO BELIEVE**  
By Moonsong  
tsukinouta@yahoo.com

**PART 2**

  
It was getting dark. Even as Ran watched, more and more lights flashed into existence in the city below, as if reminding him he should probably be heading home. Already, the shadows cast by the surrounding trees had crept over the entire clearing making it seem colder. If he waited long enough, the crickets and other night insects would begin their evening song but for now, his perch seemed like the most desolate, lonely place in the world.

Why had Ayachan been taken away from him yet again? She was the only light in this world, the only one who had made him smile. Had she been here now, she would have dismissed his incessant brooding with nonstop chattering about the sun, the birds, and the flowers. She had forgiven him, redeemed him, and still believed in him even after she had found out what he'd had to do to keep her alive. He was her oniichan. Her big brother. Being with her had made him happy again.

And just as he had begun to truly heal, she had been ripped from him, this time with no hope of resurrection. At least when she had been in a coma, there was still hope. He could still look at her face, feel her breath, hold her hand. Now, all those things were buried 6 feet under the ground. Food for the worms who didn't deserve to dine on flesh as precious as hers. Maybe he should have had her cremated. Youji had put a damper on that idea though.

_"What for? So you can sit there and stare at her jar for all eternity?"_

He never remembered feeling such animosity towards the older blond.

_"Give her a decent burial Ran. Let her go. You'll just brood yourself senseless if you do that."_

Well, wasn't he brooding now?

_"Let it go,"_ they had all said. How was he supposed to do that? Every morning, every day brought home the fact that she was no longer there with him. He would walk down the stairs and instead of seeing her happy face greeting him as she made his favorite breakfast, he'd see Ken or Omi whipping up something partially edible in the kitchen. Every time he'd start work at the flowershop, he missed her cheerful voice greeting the customers, helping them pick out something just right, and deliver the order to him with a smile and a quip to "stop scowling or all the flowers will wilt at the sight of your face." The closest he got now was Youji's constant skirt-chasing and teasing about "fondling the plants." The mere recollection of it made him scowl. Could the man get any more annoying?

Youji had been a constant pain in his side the last few months. Always underfoot, always in his way. He couldn't remember a time when Youji had been home so much. Wait a minute... Youji... home... that didn't exactly ring true with the drag-himself-home-at-all-hours, screw-a-different-girl-every-night, tease-his-friends-until-they-spontaneously-combust Kudou Youji he'd come to know and love.

That thought stilled him right there. Love? Youji? Throwing back his head, Ran almost laughed in disbelief. He must have spent too many hours with Ayachan and her soap operas to have let that little cliché slip out. There was no love in Ran's life save for his sister. And his sister was dead.

With a soft sigh, the redhead unfolded his long legs and stood. He had come here to wind down, to think, to decide what he wanted to do with his life now that she was gone. He certainly wasn't accomplishing much of that so he decided to go into the borrowed- 'stolen,' his conscience annoyingly corrected- motorcycle and retrieve his acoustic. If nothing else, the music might help him relax enough to return home.

Settling back on the ground, a little further in from the edge this time, Ran set the instrument on his lap and began to play.

"She has just touched heaven  
But acts as though it's broke  
She can't help it  
She can't mend it  
Alien... Alien..."

It was one of his favorites, from the others' vast collection of jrock and jpop music cluttered in piles around the house. Someone had been listening to it one day- probably Youji or Omi since they had similar taste in music, and he had felt drawn to the song somehow.

"I stole the colors off her  
And changed myself just like her  
They don't see me  
They don't hear me  
Alien... Alien..."

He didn't even remember who sang it- just that the moment he heard it, his mind had held onto the lyrics even as the last notes had faded away. His fingering was probably off but it didn't really matter. The music called to him like nothing else and he lost himself in the soothing melody.

"How am I ever gonna make them understand  
No one ever knows the things I do  
I could never live here in my own world  
Now I've gotta try and make it through  
You will understand the things I do  
Show me how to get into your world"

"Ran?"

Startled, Ran jumped up and spun, barely keeping from overbalancing with his guitar. "Youji!" he gasped, unable to keep the shock from his voice. How had the other man gotten up here without him hearing?

The playboy's answering smirk was enough to shake him out of his state and assume his normal glare. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? Looking for you." The blond was insufferably smug, arms crossed over his chest, sunglasses in their customary perch in his honey-colored hair.

Ran turned away, scowling. Above all else, he did not take lightly to having his privacy invaded. "What, so you could lock me up again? I came here to be alone, Youji." Now he would have to find another out of the way retreat.

The blond's face registered surprise. "Lock you up?"

"Yes, lock me up," Ran said angrily, advancing. "What do you think you've been doing? Making sure I wasn't left alone longer than ten minutes, re-arranging your schedule so you could 'spend time more time with us,' telling Ken to quit his job so he could make sure I wasn't going to do something stupid-"

"Ken didn't quit... he-"

Ran glared at him. "I don't need any of you. I can take care of myself."

All at once, the taller man exploded into motion, crossing the clearing with long strides. "I'm WORRIED about you! You fucking bleed your life out all over our basement and you expect me to leave you alone so you could do it again?"

"... yes," Ran whispered, barely audible.

Youji's head snapped up. "You're insane if you think I'm gonna let you do that."

"Why?" Ran's reply was choked, more emotion than he had ever let anyone see for a long time. "Why won't you just leave me _ALONE_?"

Green eyes pierced violet and held them there. Ran couldn't move- a motion even more impossible when the taller man gripped his shoulders hard, shaking him lightly with each word. "Because. We. Love. You. We don't want to see you hurting. For God's sake, we want to HELP you, Ran! Why can't you understand that?"

"I-" Ran broke away. His eyes burned uncontrollably. He was so weak. So pathetic that his closest friends felt it necessary to go on 24-hour watch over him. And now Youji was staring at him with those hurt, intense eyes. Ran would have to have been blind not to see the worry and stress in those hollowed features. The mere notion that _he_, Ran, was the cause of it, was almost more than he could bear.

"I'm not worth it," he whispered finally.

Youji heard him well enough. "Like hell you aren't," he growled. "You were the one that kept us together all those years. You took over, made sure we all stayed on this side of the living. That's gotta be worth something, Ran."

"But... I failed her."  
----------

"Ken! It's Omi. Has Youji checked in?"

"No, why?"

"I can't reach him on his cell."

"Goddamit! He promised to keep it on!"

"Well, maybe his signal's just cutting out or something. I'm on my way over to that place I told you about."

"Thanks, Omi. Be careful."

"I will."

"... and call me, okay?"

"Hai. Ja na."  
----------

Ran never hated himself more than he did at that moment. Not only had he been discovered, by Youji of all people, he was having a breakdown in front of him as well. Even when the blond had found him staining the basement with blood, Ran hadn't shown any emotion. Heck he had been practically comatose the entire time the older man was taking care of him. By the time he had healed enough to be out of immediate danger, his aloof mask was already in place.

_Stupid, Ran. Now he'll think you're even weaker than you already are._ At this rate, they'd end up confining him to his room to make sure he didn't hurt himself.

To his surprise, the older man's features softened and he took a step towards the seething redhead. "Hey, play for me?"

That was the second time in five minutes that Ran had been in danger of dropping his jaw to the ground. As it was, he managed a rather undignified, "What?!"

Youji folded his legs and sat next to him easily, a charming smile creeping onto his face. "I heard you playing when I came up. I didn't know you sang, Ran."

"It's not something I advertise," the younger man huffed, settling back down and plucking a few dissonant notes in a half-hearted attempt to discourage his companion.

"Please." Emerald green eyes met amethyst in an entreaty so open, so honest, Ran couldn't find it in his rapidly hardening heart to refuse. It was the same look Ayachan had given him when she was asking for something, not to benefit her, but for himself.

Breaking eye contact, Ran bent over the guitar and started where he had left off, trying to ignore the man sitting next to him.

"How am I ever gonna make them understand  
No one ever knows the things I do  
I could never live here in my own world"

All hopes of that were shattered as soon as he heard a soft tenor singing counterpoint to his own deeper tone. Concentrating on the music, he tried to ignore it.

"Now I've gotta try and make it through  
You will understand the things I do  
Show me how to get into your world"

It seemed so natural, so right. Their voices blended perfectly together. Ran was hard-pressed to contain his surprise as he played an improvised guitar solo. Never had he imagined that Youji would sing with him, much less that they would sound so right together. From the corner of his eye, he watched the older man lean back on his hands and tilt his smooth face skyward, exposing his slender neck.  
--------

The phone was ringing again. Omi parked the car and reached for it, one hand already unlocking the door and throwing it open. "Ken?"

Locking the car, he stowed the keys in his pocket and started towards Ken's motorcycle, holding the phone between his chin and shoulder. Halfway there, his mouth dropped open in shock. "Tell me you're kidding..."  
--------

Ran watched the blond under veiled lids for a moment, eyebrows rising in alarm. Youji was thin. The blond had always been on the lanky side but he was seriously bordering malnourished. His yellow sweater hung off bony shoulders looking much like fabric draped over a skeleton canvas. His black jeans, normally skintight, were loose around his hips. His honey-colored hair was duller, his eyes strangely blank.

_What's WRONG with him?_

As if sensing his gaze, Youji tilted his head and gave the other an apologetic little smile before turning away again.

Ran blinked. _It's because of me..._ he realized finally. Mind racing, Ran moved his wandering eyes to his guitar pretending to concentrate on his idle fingering. _All those nights he spent waiting for me to let him in... worrying about me... why didn't I see it before?_

A gentle hand stilled his movements. "It's not your fault."

"What?" Good god, had he actually spoken out loud?

A slight flicker of annoyance flashed across the other's face and was gone. Smiling gently instead, Youji reached out and tilted the redhead's chin to face him. "I saw your expression just now."

At the panicked look on Ran's face, Youji dropped his hand. "Don't blame yourself, Ran. You didn't put a gun to my head and make me fall for you."

"WHAT?!"

The blond laughed, sadness lingering in his eyes as he turned away. "Never guessed, did you?"

Ran blinked, struggling to keep his jaw from dropping. "But... you... I thought you..."

Youji smirked. "It's not something I advertise."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because," the blond paused. "I might not get another chance." He looked away for a moment, seeming to come to some decision. "I-"

"Youji-"

"Don't interrupt," Youji pleaded softly, reaching out to touch Ran's cheek. "I have to get this out." His hands were warm.

Ran shook his head stubbornly. "Youji, what do you mean 'not get another chance?' "

Youji moved his fingers to press against the redhead's mouth, effectively shutting him up. "Listen to me."

Their faces were a breath apart.

"RAN!"

Startled, Ran dropped his gaze and stepped back unconsciously. Youji released him. "Shit," he muttered. "Ran, I gotta go."

"What?"

The blond shook his head, regret flashing in his eyes before they were hidden behind his hair. "I just... I gotta go."

"Youji..." Ran reached for him.

"Ran! Ran, you up here?" The voice was closer. Ran turned in time to see their youngest member emerge from the trees and head towards him at an unsteady run. Something was wrong.

"Omi?"

Before he knew what was happening, Omi threw himself into the older man's arms. "Ran," he sobbed. "Ken just called. Youji's in the hospital."

"What?" In shock, Ran pulled away and gripped his teammate's arms roughly. "What are you talking about? He's right here!"

Omi just looked at him with wide watery eyes. Ran shoved him away. "Youji!" he called, casting his gaze about. Panic rose in his chest.

The clearing was empty.

* * *

TBC

Author Notes: Hmm... was Youji's declaration a touch abrupt? I tried to give some backstory but... ah well. Comments please!

Thanks to all of you who have already left me feedback. I can honestly say if it weren't for you guys giving me the added pressure, I wouldn't be continuing this. ^^ Ita-chan, thank you for the suggestions. I was surprised when I read them since that is actually similar to what happens in the fic (as you can see). ^^ I had finished this part over a month ago and was just waiting until I had written some of the next chapter before posting it. Is the plot THAT cliche? ^^ Anyway, I hope you guys still enjoy the story. ^^;;

The lyrics used are from "Alien" by Oblivion Dust. If you haven't heard it, I highly suggest you do. It fits Ran through and through. ^_^ Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: This fic was written purely for entertainment and no profit is being made from it. Weiß Kreuz © Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß. No copyright infringement intended. Please email me at tsukinouta@yahoo.com if you'd like to post it anywhere. Thank you.

_Reason to Believe_: Part 2 © Moonsong, 02/27/02. All Rights Reserved. 


	4. Part 3: Revelation

**REASON TO BELIEVE**  
By Moonsong  
tsukinouta@yahoo.com

**PART 3**

  
Ken paced the waiting room, track shoes grounding a definite trail into the industrial carpet. He hated hospitals. Hated everything about them- the slightly dingy walls, the almost shabby furniture, the pastel-themed paintings tossed about here and there to "brighten up" the place. Ken shook his head in annoyance. No matter what décor the place had, an overwhelming sense of anxiety permeated the very walls. Countless others had been here, most distraught more often than not- and their very presence remained in the atmosphere.

After calling Omi, Ken had rushed straight to the hospital, almost forgetting to pay the cab driver in his haste to get out of the car. The nurses had refused to let him see the blond and instead, had given him a stack of paperwork almost a half inch high. Sighing, he had settled down to fill everything out.

That had been over an hour ago. And Omi should have been here by now.

_Youji... you stupid idiot, what did you think you were doing?_

"He wasn't."

Ken froze, startled. The voice had come from behind him. "What?"

"Thinking," the stranger continued. "He wasn't at the time."

"How did you..." Ken paused, half afraid he already knew the answer. The voice sounded familiar.

Footsteps to his right signaled the man's approach, then stopped. "It's been a long time, Weiß."

Ken whirled. "Schwarz..."  
----------

  
Ran's vision blurred as he sped down the streets heading for home.

_No... no... it's not true! It can't be true!_

Maybe if he made it there in record time, Youji would be there, puffing cheerfully on a cigarette, teasing him about driving too slow to catch up. Ran would park the bike, roll his eyes, and everything would be all right again. It was a childish, stupid thing to hope but it was all he had to cling to.

This wasn't happening. None of it was. This was just all a dream. It was too surreal.

At this point, he didn't care what the others thought, didn't care about his image or sorting out the myriad emotions wreaking merry havoc in his head.

_Just please,_ he prayed silently. _Please be there Youji..._  
----------

  
Brown eyes met piercing green.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just gut you right now," Ken growled, fists curling at his sides.

The redhead seemed amused. "Well, for one, you don't have your claws on; and two, I'm not your enemy anymore, Ken."

If anything, the reassurance made the younger man tense more. "What do you mean?"

A step back, a shrug. "Long story."

Ken looked pointedly at the still closed doors that led to the ICU. "I have time."

An enigmatic smile. "No you don't."

Ken's eyes narrowed. Before he could ask what the redhead meant, he heard a noise. Someone was running down the hall.

"KEN!"

The brunette turned.  
----------

  
There was no one out front. Ran skidded to a stop, flipped off the ignition, and jumped off the bike, feet hitting the ground in an unsteady run.

"YOUJI!"

The apartment was quiet. On any normal day, the TV would have been on in the living room, Ken propped in front of the couch with a beer and a bowl of chips in his lap. Omi would be in the kitchen, radio blaring, whipping up something that hopefully wouldn't poison them for dinner. Which is surely what would happen if Youji were allowed to cook. The playboy would habitually be lurking about, pestering either Ken or Omi, or holed up in his room blasting the most obnoxious metal he could find.

Ran slammed the door open, eyes sweeping the slightly messy living room.

Empty.

Cursing, he hurried through the dim kitchen then continued to the hallway leading to the bedrooms.  
----------

  
Omi was shaking. "Ran's missing again," he reported miserably. "Swore Youji had just been there with him, then booked before I could even start the car!"

"But Youji's..." Ken threw a glance at the double doors again.

"I know. He wouldn't listen to me!"

"All right, calm down." Ken took a deep breath, trying to take his own advice. "I'll go look for Ran. He probably went home or something. You stay here and let me know when Youji wakes up."

Omi nodded mutely and handed Ken his cell phone. "Here, you take it. So I can get a hold of you."

Ken was about to protest but accepted instead, for which Omi was grateful. They both understood what it was like to worry about someone and not be able to get a hold of him. Omi would be in one place. Ken would not.

Wearily, Omi watched his friend leave then collapsed into one of the waiting room chairs. He had just been there a few moments when Ken entered the room again, a wild look in his eyes.

"Schuldig!"

Omi blinked uncomprehendingly. _Schuldig?_

Ken's panicked gaze settled on him. "Omi! Schuldig was in here a moment ago! Did you see him?"

Omi's eyes went wide. This was the second time today one of them had rattled him, claiming to have seen someone. "No..." he answered cautiously, glancing around the room. He was the only one there.

"Watch your back. He said he wasn't our enemy anymore but..."

Omi nodded, more anxious to find Ran at this point. "Ken, I'll be fine. Just go."

Ken threw another nervous, yet angry glance around the room and finally nodded. "Okay. Be careful, Omi."

"You too."

For the second time, Omi watched Ken leave the room, this time with worry in his eyes. What was going on?  
----------

  
Schuldig stared through the clear glass unnoticed by the various medical personnel running about, trying to do their work. On the other side of the window, in the middle of the chaos was Youji's body; a bloody battered thing that had barely been pulled from the wreck moments before he would have died.

Schuldig shook his head, a hand fishing blindly in his pockets. He really needed a cigarette. Finding none, the smoke would probably have given him away anyway, he resumed staring at his former enemy.

"You look horrible."

// Tell me about it. I'm going to scar, I just know it. //

"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you plowed into a truck, hmm?"

// You act like I did it on purpose! //

"Touchy, touchy. I thought you'd changed at least a little from your younger days."

// Look who's talking! //

"Hey, I changed. Who was it who almost passed out when he saw me again?"

// You were trying to kill me! //

"I thought I already explained that," Schuldig muttered crossly. "I didn't have a choice."

// I know. Did they really... // Youji trailed off, not wanting to upset the other man.

"Kill her? I think so. They realized they weren't going to be able to keep me leashed for long." There was regret in the usually cocky voice.

// I'm... sorry, Stef. I know how much she meant to you. //

A watery smile. "There's a reason why I'm called Schuldig. I just seem to be proving it every time."

// Stef... don't think that way... //

"Why not? It's just the truth. Besides, we're not talking about me, we're talking about you. Are you planning to wake up any time soon? I can't have you in my head forever you know. I might get annoyed and kick you out."

// I... don't know. // A pause. Schuldig could feel the other man looking through his eyes, could almost taste the sadness in his voice.

// It... hurts to go back. //

The redhead narrowed his eyes. "What, you're afraid of a little pain now?"

// Of course not! //

"Then what's wrong?"

// Ran... //

"Ah. Your object of affection."

// He's more than that and you know it. //

"So? What's stopping you?"

// You saw how he reacted today. //

"After you almost forced me to kiss him? Yes," the German shuddered at the thought. "I can't believe you'd do that to me."

// I didn't mean to, // Youji replied peevishly. // It's just... //

"Let's see if I ever let you take control of my body again."

// Stef! //

The smirk was back. "Look, you can't do much good in this state either way. You want him? Go after him."

// I'm... not sure it's worth it. //

"Then sit tight for a few days. See how you like playing dead."

// Gee, will you visit? // Sarcasm.

"Depends if you're nice to me."

// Stef? //

"Hm?"

// Thanks... for helping me out today... //

"Hey, I had to make up for trying to kill you somehow."

// Yeah! //

"Though if I remember correctly, you were trying to kill me as well."

// You started it! //

Frustrated, Schu banged his head against the glass window. "Remind me again why I'm talking to your comatose body?"

// Because you love me? //

"Riiiight..."  
----------

  
Ran had searched the place methodically, heart pounding more and more frantically as each turn, each opened door, yielded nothing.

"YOUJI!"

Maybe he was in attic. Or... the roof! Youji sometimes liked to go up there and smoke. It soothed him, he had said. Ran pounded up the narrow staircase and stumbled out the door into the cold breeze.

Youji wasn't there.

It started to sink in. With a choked sob, the redhead collapsed onto the worn cement, chest heaving. He would not cry. Not yet. Staring up into the face of the newly risen moon, Ran screamed one last time before falling silent.

"YOUJI!"

The chill wind echoed in answer.

* * *

TBC

Author Notes: Surprise, surprise. *L* This chapter's a little choppy but I needed to get everything out to get the rest of the story going. Still following? I hope so. ^_^

Again, thanks to everyone reviewing and special thanks to my dear sis. You know who you are. *hugs* I'll try not to let you down.

Disclaimer: This fic was written purely for entertainment and no profit is being made from it. Weiß Kreuz © Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß. No copyright infringement intended. Please email me at tsukinouta@yahoo.com if you'd like to post it anywhere. Thank you.

_Reason to Believe_: Part 3 © Moonsong, 04/27/02. All Rights Reserved. 


	5. Part 4: Guilty

**REASON TO BELIEVE**  
By Moonsong  
tsukinouta@yahoo.com

**PART 4**

  
_All my fault... everything... it's all my fault..._

The pain was subsiding. Blank eyes scoured a scarred, pale arm, illuminated only by the moonlight outside. Searching... searching... ah, there it was.

_Throb. Throb. Throb._

Ever since that day, they had emptied his room of all sharp objects- knives, razors, even the glass in his window was tempered to prevent sharding. Still, the vein was there, pulsing with life, mocking him with every heartbeat.

Something had to be done about that. Crimson-stained fingers brought a shaky hand to his lips. Teeth ground a smooth fingernail into a jagged point while the other hand traced the drying trails of blood on his forearm. His lungs took in a breath and the doctored fingers skimmed the unbroken surface of flesh.

Deeper, harder, deeper. He was aiming to cut, not kill. Just a little distraction... comfort came in the strangest forms these days. The first layer of skin broke.

Satisfied, Ran slumped back against the wall as his arm flared with pain.  
----------

  
The motorcycle was parked out front, much to Ken's relief. The lights weren't on in the house but he had no doubt his missing teammate was inside. Ran wasn't the type to leave the bike out of consideration, then take a cab or wander around on foot to get away from them. If anything, he'd have used the vehicle and the time to drive even farther.

The front door swung open at a touch. It wasn't locked, further confirming that the redhead was in the near vicinity. Somewhat relieved, yet still apprehensive, Ken entered the apartment, flipping on the lights as he went.

Finding no one in the common areas, Ken continued to the bedrooms, stopping at the redhead's door. It was open a crack. Under normal circumstances, the younger man would have knocked but the day's events had hardly proved normal. Ken toed open the door.

"Ran?"

Darkness. Silence.

"Ran, I know you're in here. My bike's out front."

Still nothing. The redhead was in the room though. Ken could feel his presence. It was cold, uninviting. Not outwardly hostile but inhospitable all the same. The memory of the last four hours surged through Ken's mind- all the worry, the frustration, the pain of knowing Youji was hurt- all of it came crashing down on him. The lack of response from the cause of all this mess was the last straw.

"Goddammit Ran! Our best friend is in the fucking hospital DYING for all we know and you can't even go out and see him! He NEEDS you Ran!"

Finally, a rustle from the far corner of the room. "No, he doesn't." The voice was hoarse- from lack of sleep or crying- Ken couldn't tell. He heard the pain clearly enough though and it was enough to drive him to the other man's side.

"Ran, of course he does. You DO care about him, don't you?"

A bitter laugh. "I don't know, Ken. Do I?"

The brunette growled in frustration. Either Ran was losing it or he was finally coming to realize that he had emotions after all. Taking a deep breath, Ken pressed on. "Yes. I think you do. You care about all of us even though you try not to show it. You-"

"I am a selfish, fucking BASTARD, Ken! Do you understand that?!"

Shocked, Ken scuttled back, eyes widening as the other man surged up from the floor, his face eerie in the dim light.

"If it weren't for me, Youji wouldn't have worried himself to the point where your fucking bugnuks have more meat than him! If it weren't for me, all of you would have been able to go on with your lives instead of spending most of it here babysitting poor suicidal Ran! If it weren't for ME, YOUJI would NOT be lying in that goddamn HOSPITAL bed because he wouldn't have been out on the street in the first place!"

So much hate... there was so much anger in those words and all of it self-directed. Ken wasn't sure what to do, wasn't even sure if there was anything he COULD do. This was Youji's turf... and Youji wasn't here. All the blame Ken had used to fuel his anger melted away in the wake of Ran's self-recrimination. Despite the stupidity of his actions, Ran still needed their help. And he needed it now, perhaps more than ever.

"All that might be true but blaming yourself won't change things," Ken said firmly. "What's important now is Youji. And getting him back."

"I'm just going to end up hurting him again."

"That may be but at least he'll be alive to feel it." Straightening, Ken looked down at the older man, heart wrenching to see their once proud swordsman beaten this way. Unsure what else he could do for the redhead, Ken spoke one last thought, one that he hoped would shake Ran from his wallowing and back into action. Ran had always felt better with a purpose anyway. "One last thing. Schuldig is back."

With that, he turned and headed for the door, unable to suppress the minor jolt of satisfaction he felt at seeing Ran's shocked expression.

"What?!"

Ken looked back. "You heard me. He's at the hospital right now."

A snarl, a clatter, a half-muttered curse; and Ken was roughly pushed aside.

"Fine. I'll go. But the second he wakes up, I'm leaving."

"Fine." Not that Ken had any intention of letting Ran keep that promise but he would have gladly kissed Momoe's cat if it meant it would get Ran to visit. A little lie was a small price to pay.

Satisfied with himself, Ken followed the taller man out to the hallway... and recoiled in shock when his confused eyes caught a glimpse of flaked crimson streaking his friend's exposed limbs.

Already at the end of the hall, Ran seemed to sense something was amiss and turned. "Aren't you coming?"

Ken blinked once. "Ran... what happened to you?"

The older man looked down at his arms as if he'd never seen them before. "Just scratched." With a casual shrug, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and shot Ken an indifferent glare. "Are we going or what?"  
----------

  
'Annoyed' was an understatement. 'Ticked off' was a little closer to the truth. And that preposterous story of "falling headfirst into a rosebush" Ken concocted to explain his friend's state to the nurse in attendance was sufficient justification for permanent disfigurement.

_When I get my hands on him..._

Ran ground his teeth as his arms were swabbed repeatedly with alcohol and wrapped with gauze. On the plus side, the stinging of the chemical against his fresh cuts was more than enough to dull the edges of his rather frazzled state of mind. On the other hand, the woman's chatter was quickly getting annoying.

Ken and Omi had already come and gone. After informing him there was no news yet regarding their fallen teammate, the pair had gone off to get takeout in preparation for the wait ahead. Ran, despite his initial protests, had secretly agreed after they pretended to threaten him. Since he was already here anyway, he might as well stay.

// Still deluding yourself, Abyssinian? Tsk, tsk, I thought you would have outgrown that by now. //

_SCHULDIG!_

Ran shot up and looked about wildly, tearing his arm from the nurse's grasp.

"What do you think you're doing!?"

Ignoring her completely, Ran stalked to the door. "Where are you..." he growled, casting his vision up and down the empty hallway.

Inside his mind, Schuldig was laughing. // Out front by the emergency room, kitten. //

In a blink, Ran was gone, leaving the nurse holding a roll of bandages and scissors, a stupefied expression on her plump face.  
---------

  
"All right. He's on his way."

// I don't think this is a good idea. //

"Hmf," the telepath sighed in exasperation. "You want to know how he feels about you right?" _If I ever find the imp that got me mixed up with this entire mess..._

// Well... //

"Look, you're running out of time and if this is what it'll take to shove it through your thick skull that there's something worth coming back to out here then this is what we're gonna do."

// Why Stef... // Sarcasm. // I didn't know you cared... //

"... shut up, Youji."  
----------

  
Ran saw the draped figure leaning against the wall right outside the emergency entrance. His adversary was dressed simply in a pale yellow sweater and black jeans, his hair a little shorter and more fluffed out than usual. The bandanna was gone and in their place were a pair of amber sunglasses, similar to something Youji might wear.

At first, he felt the old rage swelling inside him, bubbling from this pit of his stomach through his veins. This man, this _thing_ had helped kill his family. Had kidnapped his precious sister. Had hurt Sakura. Had tried to kill them all several times over. There was every reason to hate him. For some reason though, the ragged body before him bore only the faintest reminders of the monster he saw in his nightmares.

_There's something different about him..._

Deciding it safer to remain on guard, Ran approached warily. "Schwarz," he hissed. "What are you doing here?"

The man didn't appear to be armed but Ran knew better. When one could kill with their mind, one didn't need such paltry things as weapons. Inwardly, he brained himself for not at least having the foresight to have brought even the smallest knife.

Schuldig took the cigarette from his mouth and blew languidly before resting lazy eyes on the other redhead. "Can't a guy visit an old friend in the hospital?"

Ran swallowed his initial shock, loosing his anger instead. "Old friend? Last time he saw you, you were trying to shoot him!"

Sharp emerald-green eyes caught his gaze. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you."

Fighting the urge to reach for his absent sword, Ran crossed his arms and stopped in front of the German. "Try me."

"All right." The eyes became amused, slightly superior yet indulgent. "We met when he was still a PI. Worked on a case together. End of story."

Ran considered this for a moment. "Why did you turn against him?"

"Estet found out I had a sister. She's a stronger telepath than me, if you can believe it." At this, Schuldig paused. He dropped his finished cigarette and stepped on it before continuing. "They found her and threatened to kill her if I didn't cooperate."

"Why didn't they just use her?"

A pointed look. "She was in a coma at the time."

Ran's eyes widened for a moment, then narrowed again. "You're right. I don't believe you."

The telepath shrugged. "Didn't ask you to. And why do you care anyway? I thought you didn't give a shit what happened to your friends?"

Ran bristled. "What do you know about it?"

"You tried to kill yourself a few months ago."

"How did you..."

Schu just looked at him.

Ran looked away. "So what if I did?"

"Seems to me like you hardly care about anyone but yourself. Didn't you think what that would do to them?"

"They don't need me."

"You, you, you. It's always about you, isn't it?"

"No! They're like brothers to me! I tried to protect them as much as I could! Just like her... but I... I failed..."

"Damn right."

"What?" _Son of a BITCH!_

"Don't make the same mistake twice."

"..." The younger man shut his eyes, breath coming in uneven gasps.

"Chew on that, Abyssinian."

"Don't call me that," Ran snapped. "I'm not a murderer anymore."

Schu lifted an eyebrow, studying him. After a moment of silence, he drew back, a somewhat satisfied expression on his angular face. "What should I call you then?"

"Don't call me at all." He turned to leave.

"Ran, wait!"

Youji's voice. The younger man froze in his tracks, fists clenching automatically. "Schuldig, leave me alone." It couldn't be...

The voice came again, softer, gentler. "Ran, it's me."

_Youji..._ He refused to turn. Couldn't. Youji's body was in ICU.

"Ran, please..." A hand on his shoulder.

"I said LEAVE ME ALONE!" Wrenching his body away, Ran finally spun, still refusing to meet the other man's eyes. "Don't play games with me Schuldig. You and I both know where Youji is right now and it's NOT HERE!"

"Ran, listen to me..."

"NO!"

"Schuldig was there, when I got in the accident."

"Shut UP!"

"We were friends a long time ago and-"

Suddenly, unwillingly, it all clicked into place. Youji's cryptic words at the hill, Schuldig's surprise appearance, that hideously ugly yellow sweater Youji would normally never be caught dead wearing. Oh god, why didn't he realize it before?

Holding on desperately to the last threads of disbelief, Ran finally turned to face the other redhead. "Schuldig, where were you a few hours ago?" 

"Ran..."

Violet eyes met leaf green, a shade similar but distinctly different from the telepath's cold, piercing emerald. These were Youji's eyes.

"Youji..."

Suddenly, the other man screamed and collapsed into Ran's arms. Ran froze in shock, barely managing to catch Schuldig's falling body and lower him onto the ground more gently than he normally would have.

After a few heart-stopping moments, Schuldig opened his eyes. "Youji," he gasped.

Ran's eyes blazed. "What? What happened?"

"His body's going into shock... I can't hear him anymore."

Twin gazes locked and held. They both knew what that meant. Fighting tears, Ran's gaze swept up to where Youji's body lay in the intensive care ward.

"No..."

  


* * *

TBC

Author Notes: Sorry it took me so long to get this part out. I originally had more of Ken and Omi in the hospital but Ken refused to work with me and I ended up cutting the scene out. *grumbles* I swear, the only one willingly working for me is Schuldig and occasionally Ran when he feels like it. ~_~ This has barely been edited so please feel free to point out any mistakes or inconsistencies. One more chapter to go!

Again, thanks to everyone reviewing and special thanks to my dear sis. You know who you are. *hugs* I'll try not to let you down.

Disclaimer: This fic was written purely for entertainment and no profit is being made from it. Weiß Kreuz © Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß. No copyright infringement intended. Please email me at tsukinouta@yahoo.com if you'd like to post it anywhere. Thank you.

_Reason to Believe_: Part 4 © Moonsong, 06/08/02. All Rights Reserved. 


	6. Part 5: Obsidian

**REASON TO BELIEVE**  
By Moonsong 

**Part 5: Obsidian**

The distinct scent of orchids wafted through his senses, waking him gently. There was light everywhere; he could feel its warmth dancing along his skin. Blinking owlishly, Youji opened his eyes. 

"You're awake." 

A girl stood near the only window in the room, directly in front of the source of the delicate perfume that initially woke him- a vase of cattleya in full bloom. She was perhaps eighteen, with long dark hair and an angled face, reminding him poignantly of someone else. "You don't need rest now, you know." 

She was right. Despite his various injuries, he felt no pain. Further inspection proved that he was, indeed, unmarred. That was the least of the surprises, however. He was too busy focused on the figure that stood by the window. 

"Aya?" 

She smiled and crossed the room to his side. "Youji-kun," she said warmly, tilting her head as if amused. "What are you doing here?" 

If it were anyone else, Youji would have growled in annoyance. He was half dead for heaven's sake. It wasn't like his body decided it needed a vacation and thus threw him into a coma. He knew her too well to brush the question off though, so he answered. 

"I don't know." 

"Oh, niichan." She moved forward and settled down on the bed next to him. His right arm wrapped around her frail shoulders automatically, a gesture he didn't even have to think about anymore. Countless times had they been in this position, when one or the other had been concerned about Ran mostly, and the other had tried to offer comfort. Surprisingly, out of all of them, save Ran, Aya had grown closer to Youji while she was still alive. 

Then again, given the way they both felt about the other man, perhaps their relationship wasn't such a surprise. 

They remained in that position a while longer, Youji noting with some surprise that she felt and even smelled the same as she always had. While he hadn't expected her to change per se, there should have been some difference he supposed, considering she was no longer among the living. 

"You have to go back sometime you know," she finally said, lifting her head from where it rested on his shoulder. 

Releasing her, he pulled away. "What's the point?" he pouted, turning his face towards the window. He couldn't see anything beyond its clear panes. 

"Who else is going to watch over my stupid brother? I'm not around anymore if you hadn't noticed." 

"He's never going to feel the same for me." 

"Is that the only reason you care about him?" Aya asked quietly. "Because you think he can ease your loneliness?" 

"Well..." 

"He's not just that you know." 

"I know that. Don't you think I know that?" 

"Then you HAVE to go back! TELL him!" 

"I don't know if I can." 

"Time's running out. If you don't go back, you won't be able to." 

Youji bit his lip. She was right. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. 

"Niichan..." she wrapped her arms around him in a fragile hug. "You're all he has left."  
---------- 

Blood pounded in Ran's ears as he and Schuldig charged down the starkly lit hallways towards the elevators. 

"What was the last thing you got from him?" 

"I don't KNOW!!" The telepath stumbled and clutched his head. "Just... pain..." 

Ran slowed. "... Schuldig?" 

"Keep going," he gritted. "I'll catch up." 

Nodding, Ran regained his pace and tore through the hospital, reaching ICU a few moments later. Inside Youji's cubicle was a flurry of activity. Nurses, techs, and- Ran hoped- doctors swarmed around his fallen teammate, machines beeping everywhere. Briefly, he considered staying out of the hurricane but something drove him on. Blocking out everything else, he stepped inside, determination etching his pale face. 

"HEY! You're not allowed-"  
"What are you doing-"  
"You can't be in here-"  
  
He saw faces, heard shouted words, felt hands and bodies push him away but still he continued forward until a hand clamped onto his shoulder, stilling his mind. Resenting the telepath's presence yet allowing his body to cooperate, Ran stopped, eyes closing slowly as the whirlwind resumed around them.

"Schuldig," he whispered, knowing the other man didn't need to actually hear him. 

"He's alive," came the echo he felt more than heard. "Barely. I can still feel him." 

Ran turned, gripped the German's shoulders hard, violet eyes flashing. "Tell him to come back. Now." 

"I can't... he won't hear me." 

Something was keeping the staff from disturbing them. Ran didn't know what, he didn't care. His world was focused on two men, the one in the bed, and the one who could reach him. He had to get to Youji. Even if it meant trusting the snake for one moment. _He had to get to Youji._

"Take me to him." 

The other redhead stared at him. "Are you MAD? If I take you into his mind and he dies, I won't be able to get you out again!" 

"I don't care." 

"RAN!" 

He gripped the telepath's shoulders hard. "Take. Me. To. Him." 

Green eyes flat, unyielding. "You'll die if you do." 

Amethyst met the challenge. "Then I'm dead." 

The glare softened. Understood. The telepath yanked him into the empty bed next to Youji's, threw the curtain closed and stared at Ran. "Last chance, Red. If either of you die in there..." 

"Just do it."  
---------- 

Ran floated in a sea of liquid obsidian. There was no light, no up, nor down. Sightless, airless, weightless. Devoid of all senses, he should have been panicking, certain the duplicitous German had finally outsmarted him, yet something anchored him- a presence, cold, slightly bitter, but not unwelcoming. 

_Youji..._

He held onto it, tenuous and intangible as it was. The faint smell of cloves, the barest whiff of vanilla-scented shampoo, he could almost imagine the inevitable soft touch of the older man's fingers, his hair. He'd been subjected to it far too much in the last months. Never did he think that he would miss them so badly as to try to re-create the sensations in his mind. Had he really been that selfish? So self-absorbed? So caught up in his own private world of anguish that he had taken everything for granted, including the only people who ever cared about him, not as he used to be but what he'd become? 

The answer came unbidden, clear and cutting as only the unbidden truth could be. 

Yes, he had. 

-x- What are you doing here? -x- 

The voice interrupted his thoughts, ringing around him loudly. He would have put his hands over his ears had he been able to figure out where his eans and hands were. If he even had appendages in this place. He didn't know. 

It was strange trying to respond when he couldn't feel his mouth. All he had was his mind. It took him few seconds, long, tension-filled moments in which he feared Youji would disappear before he'd managed to get a word in, figured out how to reach him. 

The presence waited though, heavy, expectant, hovering. 

Clumsily, Ran formed the words in his mind and sent them out into the abyss. -x- What do you think? -x- 

The response was immediate. -x- I'm letting go Ran. Giving up. I'm tired. -x- 

Panic. Quickly stifled. -x- Why? -x- 

-x- Why not? -x- The voice was softer, cocooning instead of blasting. 

-x- Youji... listen to me- -x- 

-x- Why? -x- 

Without warning, a sensation of being shaken- jerked backwards as if on a choke chain- and Ran was falling, his body slowly regaining form and weight as he was dropped unceremoniously into a bedroom, narrowly missing the bed by inches. He rolled into a crouch as soon as he hit the ground, instinct guiding him where senses had failed. Violet eyes roved the small space, taking note of the small wooden nightstand- rickety with age, the bed, and a similarly shabby chair, all stained a grayish green that made everything look even more abandoned than they already did. 

Youji was on the other side of the room, staring out a window, customary cigarette hanging from his mouth. If Ran hadn't known any better, he could have easily let himself believe that they were just on another one of their missions and he was stuck sharing a room with the blond. But the hazy quality of their surroundings prevented that. 

Shaking his head, Ran stood slowly, steadying himself against the dizzying sensation that followed. He hated showing weakness, even when he was completely out of his league- his body even, in this case. Youji still hadn't noticed him though, or if he had, still hadn't acknowledged the fact. Ran's eyes narrowed. He didn't come here to be ignored. 

Patented glare on his face, Ran resumed the conversation. "Because I'm your friend goddamit and I deserve an explanation!" 

After a few moments, the blond turned, sneered. "That logic never worked on you." 

Ran had no answer. 

Taking pity on him, Youji sighed, casting his eyes back to look outside, at nothing. "Why not? Every day I'm just going along waiting for you to pay attention me while you sit there and think of how you can kill yourself before I notice you're gone." 

"..." 

Youji suddenly laughed, a bitter sound. "Of course. Here, even now, you give me the silent treatment. If all I have to look forward to until old age is the occasional beer and you not talking to me, I'll end it now and get it over with." 

Finally, a reaction. "No!" 

"Then give me something to hold onto Ran!" the blond railed, coming towards him, his eyes flashing with accusation. "Something..." Desperation in the breaking voice. "Anything..." Despair. 

The redhead faltered. "I..." 

"Fight, fight, fight- is that all you Weiß kittens ever do?" 

Ran's head whipped around to face the barrel of a gun. The room melted away, leaving them in the same obsidian though this time, their bodies- such as they were- were intact. Facing the cold metal, Ran wasn't which state he would have preferred. "Schuldig! What the HELL are you doing?" 

The Schwarz assassin clucked his tongue at them. "Old habits die hard, Abyssinian. I told you you'd die if you came here." 

"WHAT!?" _He couldn't mean..._

Schuldig just grinned. "Come on, two kittens, one shot? You really expected me to let you go?" 

_He did, the bastard!_ Ran was incensed. "You said if he died, we would as well!" he screamed, staring into the traitor's veiled gaze. 

"I also said I was his friend," came the calm reply. The safety clicked off. 

The sound roused Youji who had frozen at the first sight of the German. "STEF! NO!" 

Schuldig fired.

* * *

TBC 

Author's Notes: Ehe... I'm alive, I swear. Wow, has it really been two years? ;; One or two more chapters to go... 

Also, the -x- here is used to note telepathic communication. Since apparently killed the use of non-text characters, I could use my usual double slashes anymore. Apologies for any confusion, etc. 

Disclaimer: This fic was written purely for entertainment and no profit is being made from it. Weiß Kreuz © Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß. No copyright infringement intended. Please email me at if you'd like to post it anywhere. Thank you. 

Reason to Believe: Part 5 © Moonsong, 11/05/04. All Rights Reserved.


End file.
